Keep Calm and Carry on Dating by Jane Austin

Author:Jane Austin
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 781783068883
Publisher: Troubador Publishing Ltd

‘Bob The Builder’

Sue – aged 26 – Lytham St. Annes

I was recently divorced. My friends either had boyfriends or were engaged to be married. A work colleague encouraged me to join an internet dating site and it wasn’t long before I became a member of one.

No sooner had I posted my photos online than I received an e-mail from Bob, who lived in Blackpool, which was four miles along the coastline from where I lived. He had read my profile, and after viewing my pictures wondered whether I could be his ‘pocket goddess’. I knew I was small and petite, but realised more what Bob meant by this comment when I looked at his profile. Bob was 6’4” and had the most muscular physique I had ever seen. To be honest it all looked a bit much for me, but then I studied his face - he was blond and blue-eyed, and all-in-all quite good looking. He worked as a gym instructor and was obviously into fitness. I had never been keen on gyms but loved hockey so at least we both enjoyed keeping fit and active. We arranged a date at a local pub.

I was extremely nervous, as this was my first date since my divorce. My friend was on stand-by if anything went wrong. It was summer so I wore a short, pink dress and a pair of high, strappy sandals. My friend dropped me off at the pub slightly early so I could have a drink to calm my nerves. I sat down on one of the sofas, clutching a glass of white wine.

About ten minutes later Bob appeared. He was huge and wore a skin tight fluorescent yellow t-shirt - if it had been green the Incredible Hulk would have sprung to mind. In fact if you had popped a hard hat on his head he could have been Bob the Builder. Hopefully I looked nothing like Wendy. Bob had teamed his t-shirt with a pair of lime green shorts. He sat down next to me on the sofa after ordering a pink cocktail – what an array of colour he was.

We began with some polite conversation before Bob steered the conversation to fitness. I couldn’t help but notice the veins in Bob’s neck. They protruded like worms emerging from the soil and throbbed as if about to burst reminding me of that well-known scene from Alien. Bob was well into chatting about his squats and thrusts at this point and quite frankly I didn’t give a damn – I couldn’t take my eyes off his legs. One thigh must have been the circumference of my waist, and the veins in his lower legs were even more startling than the worms in his neck – I wanted to take a pin and pop them. All of a sudden there was a throng of ‘Bob!’ Had the rest of the building team arrived – maybe Spud was with them.

After the raucousness had died down, Bob introduced me

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